Tonight I realized that I need different categories for my posts. One category will be "things that people say that should be comforting but cause a red haze of rage to descend on me ..."
Tonight my mother-in-law asked me about a slew of unpleasant tests that I am taking on Monday (more about that later -- sorry that this is out of order). I was telling her that the thought of a lumbar puncture was creeping me out. She said, in a comforting way, that maybe my brother in law was right -- "maybe it's nothing".
Just so you know, I also wonder if maybe all of the symptoms that I am experiencing are nothing. Which makes me batshit crazy. Or have such a weird disease that people think that I have nothing, while I am being slowly devoured by parasites or something. Or be the biggest effing hypochondriac that the world has ever seen.
I sort of would like this all to be nothing. Really. I would like all of my symptoms to go away and my brain to be fine. I would like to not have anything chronically wrong with me. I would like it if the radiologists and neurologists who looked at my MRI were all incompetent idiots and are all wrong. I would like it to be a brain infection that has miraculously cleared up, or an inner ear problem or something.
I am totally up for a miracle, here.
So maybe this is all nothing. But it sure feels like something.